It really kills my parents that i care about me friends more then i care about myself and my future. They were trying to get me to find new friends because they don't want me to get busted and ruin my future. and i told them that i don't care about getting busted and that i didn't care about my future. They took that kinda hard. They started bitching at me about college and ending up like them. I just told them that i didn't care about anything anymore and they droped the subject. It was kinda strange but oh well. Then later my dads like me and ur mother love you. It was kinda weird cus they never say shit like that. but oh well i don't care if they love me....I'm not going to change my life just because of them and i'm not going to stop being friends with me friends because of my parents....I think they are starting to realize that my friends mean more to me then they ever will. and i think its hurting them inside but i don't care. so fuck them and there fucking rules.

~schmitty~

hey everyone, i was bored, and i wanted to mess with janelles blog just because i can...lol, but no really, i just thought it was time for a change and i just happened to have the password , PEACEOUT.

st0ney

I've changed......I'm not the same person i used to be. I've don't want to talk to anyone. And i know that that has pissed off some people. but see the thing is i don't care anymore. I'm just done with everyone. I'm done with everything. Fuck people....Fuck work.....Fuck school....Fuck my future cus honestly i can't see myself doing anything in the future. I can't see myself even graduating from high school. I sure as hell can't see myself going to college. I can't see myself getting married or haveing a family. I can't see myself getting any older. Its kinda strange cus these are the things i once wanted. I just don't want them anymore. I can't explain it....thats just how it is. I'm so empty inside. I feel nothing. I don't want anything out of life. I'm not angry when i know i should be. I'm not sad when i should be. I'm not happy when i should be. I've just lost control of everything, and i don't know why. My mind had been so blank latly. Usually i'm always thinking about somthing but its like i've lost the ability to think. I have no goal or ambitions. I'm just not myself anymore and i don't know if i will ever return to that person i used to be. I really have no interset in being that person anymore but i really don't wanna be like this either. I wanna be a strong person who knows where there going in life. I want to have goals. I want to have friends that will always be there for me. I don't want to be taken advatage of anymore. I want to be able to get angry and stay angry when people fuck me over. I don't wanna be walked all over and not be able to do anything about it. I just wanna be somthing i'm not and i guess its not going to happen. Cus u can't change urself it just happens. but i don't think its gonna happen the way i want it to.

Kyle,

I've now realized how shitty ur life was when we were younger. I realize now why you always seemed so mad. I'm sorry for always being the annoying little sister. I know how angry teenagers can be now that i myself am one.  I know that i didn't make it easy for you. I was always tagging along and invading ur privicy. I always wanted to be around you and ur friends and i realize how annoying that is. I've realized that even before ur teenage years why you were always mad at me. I can kinda understand why you used to beat on me. I was a bad little sister. I know i caused a lot of shit. I caused a lot of fights. I just wish that I wouldn't have done that. I think if i wouldn't have been so annoying back then that maybe we would be closer now. I know that you probly still have issues with me. And  the fact that we aren't very close might have somthing to do with that. I realize now that i never thought about what u must have been going through..Example...when greg left the first time to go to Cali it crushed me but i never though about how it affected you and now i realize that it probly affects u more when greg leaves then it affects me, because you and greg are a lot closer than me and greg are. I always used to think that you were a big fuck up. But i realize that life is hard and its isn't easy following the path that mom and dad want us to follow. I understand that schools not that easy. I understand that work really sucks. I understand that friends can influnce you to do things that you wouldn't neccescarly do on your own. I understand why ur so grumpy in the morning.  I just want to so sorry for everything. For everything i've put u through. for all the times i could have been a better sister to you. for all the times that i got in trouble with mom and dad for stupid things. for all the times i listened in on ur phone calls. for all the times i'm looked throught ur room. for all the things i've stoled from you. For all the attention from mom and dad i stoled aways from you when i was born. Fot all the things that i had to have that were yours and for all the things that i had to have that kept u from getting something you wanted. I'm sorry for never being there for you if u ever need me to. I always thought it was the older childs responsiblity to take care of the younger child but i never realized that the younger child also has a responsiblity to the older child. I guess i just kinda ignored that you had any feeling/needs at all. I'm sorry for that. sometimes it seems that you kinda resent me for being the youngest and now i understand.I hope that you can get past that and that in the future we can become closer.

  Love,

your little siser janelle

well today was pretty much horrible. My moms back in the hosptial. It was fathers day and i didn't get my dad anything or even wish him a happy fathers day and i feel really bad about that. I went to my aunt jill and uncle petes house for a cookout with my moms family. The fucking basterds didn't even ask why my mom wasn't there (what a great loving family) they only asked when they realized that my mom wasn't there to collect the money that they owe her for the prestent that she bought my grandpa. that really pissed me off. Familys are supposed to care. I hope my brothers would notice that i'm not there. fuckers. Then i had to go to work. And that sucked. I kept droping stuff on the floor. I was just way to tired to be there. I now have perment ear damage. This kid got out of his car and went right up to the speeker and yelled right into it. Everyone in burger king could hear him. Tj. was gonna go out and fuck with the kid but the manger stopped him. God some people are so fucking stupid.  Then from 7:30 to 9 there were only two people working, me and the manger. And guess what happened we got the dinner rush. so i had to do drive though, frount counter and fill orders all at the same time. THAT FUCKING SUCKED. Then about a half hour before i was suppose to get off work we got a huge rush of people in drive through. Most of the people were drunk.  Some of the drunk guys were hitting on me through the drive through speeker thingy. This one guy told me he loved me and this other guy wants to father my child. It was kinda interesting. It sucked cus i got off like 20 mintues late and i didn't get a break today. and now i'm tired as fuck and my feet hurt.  And i have to fucking walk to work tomorrow cus my moms having surgery and my dad wants to be at the hospital. so that fucking sucks.

3 EB

Jumper Lyrics

 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in

 And if you do not want to see me again I would understand

I would understand

 The angry boy a bit too insane

 Icing over a secret pain

You know you don't belong

You're the first to fight

You're way too loud

You're the flash of light on a burial shroud

 I know something's wrong

Well everyone I know has got a reason

To say put the past away

 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

 You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in

 And if you do not want to see me again I would understand

I would understand

Well he's on the table and he's gone to code

 And I do not think anyone knows

 What they're doing here

 And your friends have left you

 You've been dismissed

I never thought it would come to this

 And I, I want you to know

Everyone's got to face down the demons

 Maybe today

You could put the past away

 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in

And if you do not want to see me again I would understand

 I would understand

 I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

Understand

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Can you put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

 I would understand

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

 I would understand

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

 And I would understand

 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

 I would understand

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

I would understand

wats up?imsodrunkrightnow, lol, chillin@ home, waiting fo reveryone to get back from chruch so i can leave, wazzzup janel, im bored, oh bythe way everyone this is annnnie aka. st0ney. yea janel so i got the weed and guess who happened to find it this morning while i was @ comunity service? my MOM> lol , she flsuhed it down the toliet, im so PISSSSSED. so i drank and popped sum painxkillers, i did sum beer bongs today..hell ya. anyways im srry but i have $25 so i can pay u back next time i see ya or well do the movie thing again and send it through sara, mostof its in change so i have to go tyo the bank monday, but ya, im really srry cuz i didnt nw my mom was gonna go thru my room. im so mad, cuz she flushed it. fuckin bitch. aznyways ya srry i logegd into ur blog, hehe, but i got rid of mine and i have to live through urs now, hahahaha, love ya so much schmitty bestfriendsforever, im so drunnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

peacexout

st0ney

we live,

we die,

we fuck,

we cry,

lifes a hollow pit,

money, clothes, food, war,

to me it don't mean shit,

i see the world through my eyes

and take it in without surprise

behind my face theres nothing there

no thought, control, or even care

i do not want to live this way

i cannot stand the light of day

kill me now and kill me fast

kill me so the pain won't last

take my life

and take my soul

lifes a bitch

she took her tole

take it all away from me

and hope through my eyes u'll never see

for if u did u'd not control

my empty pit

my life the hole

after i got off of work tonight i went to this kid davids house and him and aj and nathan were playing hockey so they made me play goaly. It was okay cus like i was stoping most of the attempted goals but then aj started aiming the ball at me and he hit me in the hand. lol it was kinda funny but it hurt like a bitch and busied instanly.lol but oh well. then it got dark out so i went to ajs house and sat outside talking to his dad about how he used to work in a liquior store when he was 14. lol that would be a cool job......one bottle for the store.....one bottle for schmitty. lol